Maybe it’s because I’m British or because I’m a woman, or because I have low self-esteem, but I’ve apologised A LOT. And today, I wanted to reflect on all the times I really shouldn’t have. Of course, we must apologise when we have wronged someone, but that’s less frequently than we might think.
Maybe it’s time to rethink what we actually need to be sorry for.
Here are the times I said “sorry” without having done anything wrong.
- Someone bumping into me
- Feeling and expressing non-aggressive and justified anger
- Not remaining calm
- Crying in public (usually at work or a coffee shop)
- Not understanding something
- Making a mistake
- Correcting someone’s behaviour
- Explaining how I feel I’ve been treated
- Being sad
- Not wanting to go out
- Not having enough money
- Being depressed
- Being exhausted
- Eating a lot of
- Not eating enough
- Not wanting to do something
- The behaviours or comments of others
These things are, for the most part, emotional reactions or expressions of emotion. Something very real and human! Ergo, something we shouldn’t be sorry about! Hurting someone due to an emotional reaction, yes, apologise, but otherwise, no. If that person is uncomfortable with your emotions then that’s a reflection on them, on society, and what we normalise. Not on you.
In fact, when you think about it, if you’re apologising all the time, it takes the effect away. Just like if you say “I love you” too much, it loses its meaning. Instead, apologise with intention. With thought. With reasoning behind it. Not just because you assume someone is uncomfortable or inconvenienced by you.
We are not responsible for other people’s actions, feelings or reactions. As long as we aren’t being rude or cruel or overbearing, we have every right to express ourselves. Don’t apologise for feeling! Don’t apologise for others. Don’t apologise for what you do or do not want.
Own it. Allow it. Normalise it.
Sincerely.
S. xx
S. R. Crawford 