Work hard while you’re young. Travel while you’re young. Date around while you’re young. Learn while you’re young. Start a business while you’re young. Don’t wait too long! Have a baby while you’re still young. Settle down into a home you’ve bought while you’re young. It’s embarrassing to wait too long.
It sounds like society wants us to do everything while we’re young. To live a whole lifetime before we’re 35. To have every box ticked as if life ends once you’re 40. And so begins the march to “the end” when you’re like me and you’re approaching 30. Unless you speak to some people past 40 who love to tell you how young you still are to dismiss your panic!
It’s impossible. Only the few are able to tick every box.
I follow quite a few YouTubers and not many have any children. Some have travelled, others not so much. Some are near my age, some a little younger, some older. And I like that there’s a mix. It reminds me that everyone is different. It’s okay to have kids and work, it’s okay not to. It’s okay to dedicate your time to travel. It’s okay not to. It’s okay to work as an artist, it’s okay not to. It’s okay to work hard towards a career. It’s okay not to.
Please, stop telling people how to live their lives. Stop acting like their life is over if they haven’t achieved a certain arbitrary goal or standard or status symbol by a certain age.
People write and publish their first books over 40.
People become first time parents near or even over 40.
People start travelling post 40.
People may only find their ideal job post 40.
People buy their first homes post 40.
People change their mindsets and interests and relationships post 40, and 50, and 60…
And it’s all okay. It’s all normal. It’s all valid. No one is behind or ahead. There’s no marker for this, except imagined ones. Yes, for pregnancy, for example, there is a fertility “deadline” to consider but this differs person to person and there’s other means for having a child, at the right time. You’re not being helpful by making people feel pressured or wrong for what they do and who they are.
I know it often comes from good intentions. Wanting to support people and help them to have good lives and not miss opportunities. However, the age pressures and expectations have got to stop! Most people know they’re getting older and some doors may be closing, they don’t need to be reminded of it. People flourish at the own times. People have different priorities at different times. People learn and grow and understand things about themselves and the world at different times.
So let them! And let yourself!
I know I am my own worst enemy. My own worst critic. The voices in my head are louder than those around me. And I don’t know why I have these voices, as I haven’t come from a family who pressured me to do things. I guess I’m just hyper aware of society’s expectations at large. This “rulebook” for how to live life right and fit in and be accepted by your peers.
I’ve never quite fit in. Never quite been accepted and seen as doing the “right thing”. Introvert when I should be extroverted, writer when I should get a “real job”, wrong friendship group, university drop out (twice!), self-published not traditionally published, inexperienced with some of life’s norms…it may have left me feeling like I still don’t belong, and never will. That I have something to prove in order to not be shunned from the group.
But I need to free myself from that pursuit. I don’t need to hustle to be seen and valued. I don’t need to prove to society that I am worthy.
So this post is just a reminder to release the pressure and stop letting arbitrary deadlines rule your life. Free yourself! Society isn’t watching as much as you think or judging you. Your age literally is just a number. Be grateful that you have a chance right now grow older, not everyone does. And follow your own timeline to create your own unique story!
Sincerely,
S. xx
S. R. Crawford 