Expectations are a dangerous thing. I think it’s one of the biggest causes of misery. We expect things of ourselves, others, and our lives and then we get disappointed when those expectations aren’t met. It can also work negatively by expecting something to be bad or to go wrong, when actually it might be the greatest thing you do.
My counsellor spoke to me about expectations and the pressure I’m putting myself under. That I need to let them go and rethink what I expect from myself. I think I also need to be careful what I expect from others and how my life will play out. I can’t know what’s behind every door. I can’t predict and plan and perfect my life. I can’t expect anything. I can only live each next step as best I can.
This weekend I went away to Bournemouth with my family. I expected it to be tiring (I was right!). I expected I’d struggle socially and become anxious (I was partly right). I expected I’d have to run and hide (I was wrong). If I’d let these expectations be too loud in my mind, I wouldn’t have come. I would have ruined the opportunity for myself. How sad is that?
I’ve had a lovely day today. Started with a park run in a new location and got an average time (exciting even though it was tiring and scary). Then we went to the beach where I went in the sea. Then we had a garden party which was great vibes.
My mental health has taken a bit of a dip this week, but I know how I need to correct this for the last two weeks of my summer break. I need to let go of the expectations and pressure. I can do anything, but not everything at once. And that’s okay. As my counsellor said, sometimes life gets in the way. I’m ambitious and want to change my life, but that change won’t come in the right way, and I won’t appreciate it when it does, if I’m rushing and burning myself out. That’s a big lesson I’ve learned this summer, though it’s hard to swallow.
I need to remember that I ruin things when I squeeze the life out of them. Doing things too much or too hard or too routinely can drain the life out of it. The same goes for trying to do too much, balancing too many plates, it just means everything you’re doing is done to half quality. What’s the point? Why ruin things for yourself when you can instead focus, do one or two things well, and then tick them off before starting a new project? You have that pace and grace to appreciate and honour your work that way. It just makes sense, right?
So I’m taking more off my to-do list for now, revisiting my goals, adding some new ideas to use things I’ve already done in new ways, and I’m relaxing! I’ll be back to work, back to the grind, before I know it. Let me take this last bit of the summer break to, gasp, have a break!
Sincerely,
S. xx
S. R. Crawford 