Today I was thinking: we all have our certainties and our uncertainties.
Let me explain…
We found out that a girl at work was married, aged 25. Some of the girls were shocked but then I thought about the many (more than I once expected) people I knew from school who are now married with kids already. And I realised: sometimes, you just know and you go for it.
The thing is, we all have things we’re sure about and things we have no idea about.
Those people were sure that they were in love and they wanted to settle down, get married and have kids at a young age. That’s totally fine.
Other people are sure they want a certain career, and so they put their all into that, for example.
I am sure I want to be a writer; I’ve never wavered from that idea. I am sure I want to be a mother one day, too. I am not sure about marriage or where I’ll settle down or if I want or need a university degree for my life’s path or what I’ll do in the meantime until I “make it” as a writer.
But that’s just me…
Why does this matter at all? Why are we talking about this? Well, I think we all have a tendency to do two things: judge and compare.
We judge other people for their life choices. We question why someone would settle down into the first job they get and plan to stay there indefinitely. Or why someone would have a child at the age of 20.
The truth is, we are all just certain about different things. We all prioritise and enjoy and experience things differently. There is no rulebook for life, as much as we might think there is. As long as someone is healthy and happy, I try not to care about or judge what they do.
And the same goes for comparisons. Don’t look at someone who is happily married with a house and kids and get jealous or compare it to your life as a single pringle. If you want those things, too, they will happen for you in your own time and in your own way. You may think you want it now, but maybe it’s best in the grand scheme of things, for you personally, to wait a while.
It might not be meant for you…yet. You just don’t know, and comparing and making yourself miserable isn’t going to make you feel any better or fix anything for you.
For example, I would love nothing more than to be a published author, financially stable, making a living doing what I love. But also, when I’m honest with myself, I’m not sure I’m ready for that just yet…
The expectation, pressure, standards, commitment, dedication, knowledge…it’s a lot. I know it will always be a lot, at first, but I also think that maybe I’m not quite the Siana I need to be yet: one, to write the book that gets me what I want; and two, to handle and enjoy and fit well into that lifestyle.
The thing is, I just don’t know. And neither do you.
All we can do is go forward with the things that we’re certain about, take a chance on the things that intrigue us, and perhaps wait and learn and grow with the things we’re not yet sure about.
Life is interesting that way, and no two lives can be compared so simply.
We’ll always have certainties and uncertainties. Sometimes these two things will switch places because you changed your mind. Life teaches us lessons all the time and provides signs as to what we should do. All we can do is pay attention, and try not to miss them.
Things to remember:
- We are all different
- We all have different wants, needs, priorities and values
- We all have different timelines for seemingly the same things (e.g. when you’ll have kids or find the right career)
- Comparison gets us nowhere and is the thief of joy
- The grass seems greener on the other side, but that will always be the case no matter what you do if you keep looking at other people’s grass!
- With intention, authenticity and self-awareness, you can never go too wrong with whatever you do in life
Some people are certain that they want to travel the world, but uncertain about who they love.
Some are certain that they want a teaching career, while being uncertain about how to look after themselves properly.
Some are certain they want to have a big family, but feel uncertain about friendships and hobbies.
We all have both, and that’s ok.