We all want certain things in life. For me, one of my biggest life goals has been to be a published author making a living from telling stories. I also want a family of my own.
But the first truth about getting what you want from life is that we must realise that we want a certain feeling, not a certain thing, per se.
For example, I want to be an author. However, what I really want, when it comes down to it, is to feel happy sharing my creativity and making a living that way. This could be done in a number of ways, not just from writing and selling books.
We must be mature about this. We must realise that no one is entitled to specific success. That we can change the plan while keeping the goal. In that, it might not happen the way you want, or end up the way you thought, but it can, and hopefully will, still feel really good for you.
What is this called? Adaptability.
To get what you want from life, you first have to define how you want to feel or a roundabout idea of what you want, and then you need to adopt an adaptable approach to getting it.
Adaptability looks like:
- Plan A didn’t work, so let’s try B, C, D…
- Something isn’t right here; let’s take a look, analyse, and readjust accordingly
- It’s okay that this failed, or was a mistake; I know I have many other avenues to get what I want
- I’ve changed my mind, and that’s ok
- Circumstances have changed, and that’s ok; I have the tools to still make things happen
It also, as you can see, comes down to Resilience. This means taking hits, going through adversity and unexpected change, but dusting yourself off and getting back up.
The best fighters aren’t those with the strongest punch; it’s those who can take a hit but keep on fighting.
If you’re easily deterred, panicked, hurt, or whatever else, you’re less likely to get what you want because you’re staying down every time you’re knocked. But we must…
“Fall down seven times, stand up eight.”
You need to ask yourself some tough questions about what it is you think you want.
Are you ready?
Are you sure?
Sometimes, we blindly follow a path because other people want it for us; or we think we still want it because we used to want it; or because we don’t actually have a clear idea of what we want. This comes from a lack of self-awareness, intentionality, and perhaps authenticity, too.
But when you know yourself well, you listen to that inner voice, and you keep up to date on how you feel and interact with the world, then perhaps you will have a sense of clarity.
Clarity is key to getting what you want in life.
As Paulo Coelho says in The Alchemist, “When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
But this won’t work if you don’t know what you want, or that idea is all fuzzy in your mind and you’re constantly second-guessing or undermining that idea.
Know this: it is okay to not know what you want. It’s okay to change your mind. It’s okay to explore several ideas. But always question what you think you want. Be sure if you’re giving something your all. Don’t harm yourself pursuing the wrong things.
Lastly, you must swallow your pride and get help. Ask others for help and support. Be held accountable. Use resources, seek out experts, read and learn and grow along your journey. And bloody hell, enjoy the journey! You are less likely to get what you want, if you’re not happy on the way to what you want.
What you want in life shouldn’t be some happy end destination, thus being unhappy until we get there.
So, how do we get what we want from life? What are the hard truths we have to follow?
- We must be adaptable
- We must be resilient
- We must be clear on what we actually want
- We must attach a feeling or idea around the goal, not stick to a very specific goal
- We must accept and seek help along the way
- We must always be learning and growing
Bonus tips: you must believe that you can obtain that future; you must embody that feeling and visualise it; you must trust in yourself and a higher power on your journey.