When I was younger, I thought love was fireworks. An opening of the chest, tearing out of the heart so that it can only beat in the palm of another person.
But that hasn’t been my experience of love.
My love has been quiet. Refined. A comforting, knowing whisper in my heart. A knowing that no matter what, I am held. I am safe.
For 6 years I’ve woke up next to you. For 6 years we’ve adored our furry pup that completes our family, our trio of friends. For 9.5 years I’ve said “I love you”. And today, 2 years ago, we said “I do.”.
Those numbers are still so small to me. It’s felt like you’ve always just been there. Like I’ve always known you. Perhaps I’ve suppressed the years before I knew you. The years where there was an emptiness. You slotted into my life so nicely. You are my family.
Chosen family is more special than blood, I’m sorry! Because you don’t choose blood relatives but I chose you. And you’re exactly like my other family members: stubborn, funny, clever, competitive, strong, charismatic, frustrating, loving, kind. Except every year, every month, every week, every day, I get to choose you again.
We’ve had our ups and downs. Fears and frets. Personal hard times and hard times together. But we’ve had so much fun, too, right? I think I’m lucky. I bypassed firework love for something longer lasting and brighter. I traded the fireworks, a momentary blast of light and power and sparkle, for the sun.
You are my sunshine.
The sun is dependable. It may not always shine so bright but you know it’s there, lighting your way. It lands quietly on your face when you’re sad, reminding you that you’re not alone. The sun gives you energy and lifts your mood. The sun kisses your skin to give it a natural glow. The sun gives you a reason to wake up every morning.
That is my love for you. That is you.
You’re right there waiting when I need you. You’re my comfort. You’re my best friend but more than that, you are my energy. You are there for me when I’m weak to bring life back to me. You walk with me, never dragging or pushing, but gently holding my hand. We stand side by side. Not many people have that, someone who is their equal.
I know I take you for granted. Just like we all take the sun for granted, knowing it will just be there even when you moan that it doesn’t shine bright enough. I’m sorry for that. Like the sun, I vow to salute you every day. To bow down to your grace and beauty and joy. To thank you for shining on me, no matter how vivid. To bask in your warm embrace while we still can.
My love for you transcends numbers. Transcends a certificate. Transcends any logical, tangible, effable thing in life. My love for you is as infinite and vast and scolding and confusing and ethereal as the sun. It cannot be grasped. It shouldn’t be grasped. I just know it’s there, and that’s all that matters.
Thank you for teaching me what love really is, at least for us.
Happy 2nd wedding anniversary 🫶🏽
Xx
S. R. Crawford 