Is it just me, or do you feel like you hate your hair nearly every day? As a biracial woman (white and black Caribbean) I want to embrace my natural hair. To let my curls run free and wild. But I’m really struggling.
They’re not… healthy?
They’re not curly… enough?
And I don’t know how to style them.
I don’t know how to keep them moisturised.
I don’t know how to maintain them throughout the week without washing again, which is time consuming and not good for curly hair!
I just feel like I can’t win.
It’s a real headache and I have cried on numerous occasions because of my hair when it’s just not working. I feel like I learn something new, a technique or routine, try it, maybe it even works, but then it just stops working!
There are so many products out there for curly hair that it’s overwhelming. Even my hairdresser (who is finally a woman of colour who specialises in curly hair) said it’s about finding what works for you. So what, I’m supposed to spend hundreds of pounds and waste products trying to find the right thing?!
Wth?!
And to straighten my hair feels like I’m neglecting my “black side”. I’m being “white” instead. That I’m not being natural and neglecting my true self.
So for me, my hair journey has intertwined with a journey of selfhood.
It’s an identity crisis.
Extreme? Perhaps. But that’s how it feels. If I had big, beautiful, defined curls that I could style confidently, I’d feel confident too. I’d feel like a natural, biracial queen! But no. There’s a disconnect. Frustration. A barrier.
And then there’s womanhood. I feel like our hair is a key part of who we are, and that’s especially important for women in the western world. I feel less attractive when my hair doesn’t look on point.
Confidence means holding you head high, but if your hair doesn’t look good, you don’t hold it high, right?
I’ve felt called to cut my hair. Like all of it. Okay not all of it, but most of it. To get a short pixie cut or something. Start again.
This is good for my curls but ultimately, to be honest, I just want to stop having to worry so much about my hair for a while. It’s so much effort and it’s taking all of my mental energy. It’s stressful at times, quite frankly. So to be able to wake up and have so little hair that it doesn’t take much to sort it, that’s a weight off my shoulders.
I don’t want my hair to take up more of my time and cause me to feel low. I don’t want my hair to be a stressor. I don’t want to put in the effort for little to no reward, either.
I don’t know if I’ll do it. I’m scared I won’t like it but there’ll be nothing I can do about it. When it’s so short, you can’t put it up to hide it away. That’s scary. I’m also worried about getting bored but being stuck with the same style each day.
We’ll see. I just wanted to share this in the hope that I’m not crazy or alone in feeling this way. Where my biracial gals at?
Sincerely,
S. xx
S. R. Crawford 
I’ve had long, short, Bob, curly, str8, braided. And mine is the roots grow in curly but once they get a certain length they go straight. Got 2 different types of hair that goes 2 different ways. I’m so tired, like u said. Made an appt for the 1st. It’s gotta go
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Yes, it’s such a struggle. If my hair was one type of curly the whole way around, it would be simpler but no! So frustrating. I love my hair but it’s also a nightmare at times. I’m sorry you’ve struggled too. I hope you love your big chop style!
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Omg i know how u feel, ive had the longest journey with my hair. i found its easier with shorter hair for your hair to last longer in curls! I went from elbow length to shoulder length about a month ago and wash it every two weeks because im lazy haha. ARGAN OIL on its own worked miracles in moisturising my hair and scalp (only after washing my hair and letting it completely dry) i keep mine in a bonnet whilst it air dries and then oil… its longer but maybe depending on the density of your hair it might take less time to dry. At night i dont actually use bonnets to sleep in or at least when i do, not with my hair out, my hair always seems to matt at night and dry out through the bonnet so i put my hair in 1 or 2 loose braids and cover, then i revive in the morning with either a tiny bit of oil or that shea moisture curl cream (its in a pink tub) i need to invest in a silk pillowcase really, but that’s my current routine… I hope that made sense and helps!
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Thank you so much for this comment. The annoying thing is there are SO MANY options for our hair that it’s overwhelming. You can waste so much money and energy on things when they don’t work. It’s so frustrating. But I do love my curls and want to embrace them, not just straighten them away! I have always had shoulder length hair and still struggle! I may try some of your techniques and see if I have some luck. Thank you again!
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no worries at all!! you’re completely right though, there’s so many different products i was told to use just for none of them to work and they were SO expensive!! its so overwhelming and exhausting especially being told to find the product thats right for your hair.. thats like hundreds of ££ of trial and error?! i had lots of heat damage and split ends when i first started trying with my hair like 5 years ago and nothing was working until the first time i got layers in my hair. maybe thats obvious but i had no idea a straight cut was weighing my hair down, if you go to a curl specialist they will know where to take the weight off to let all of your curls spring up
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Yes, that happened to me, too. Heat damage and only for two years now been seeing a curl specialist and having my hair cut curly. It really changes the shape of your hair, doesn’t it! Much lighter now ❤️ such a hard journey! Glad it’s not just me!
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girl, I feel you! thinking about doing the same!
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