Lifestyle

Biracial Hair Journey: the struggle is real

Is it just me, or do you feel like you hate your hair nearly every day? As a biracial woman (white and black Caribbean) I want to embrace my natural hair. To let my curls run free and wild. But I’m really struggling.

They’re not… healthy?

They’re not curly… enough?

And I don’t know how to style them.

I don’t know how to keep them moisturised.

I don’t know how to maintain them throughout the week without washing again, which is time consuming and not good for curly hair!

I just feel like I can’t win.

It’s a real headache and I have cried on numerous occasions because of my hair when it’s just not working. I feel like I learn something new, a technique or routine, try it, maybe it even works, but then it just stops working!

There are so many products out there for curly hair that it’s overwhelming. Even my hairdresser (who is finally a woman of colour who specialises in curly hair) said it’s about finding what works for you. So what, I’m supposed to spend hundreds of pounds and waste products trying to find the right thing?!

Wth?!

And to straighten my hair feels like I’m neglecting my “black side”. I’m being “white” instead. That I’m not being natural and neglecting my true self.

So for me, my hair journey has intertwined with a journey of selfhood.

It’s an identity crisis.

Extreme? Perhaps. But that’s how it feels. If I had big, beautiful, defined curls that I could style confidently, I’d feel confident too. I’d feel like a natural, biracial queen! But no. There’s a disconnect. Frustration. A barrier.

And then there’s womanhood. I feel like our hair is a key part of who we are, and that’s especially important for women in the western world. I feel less attractive when my hair doesn’t look on point.

Confidence means holding you head high, but if your hair doesn’t look good, you don’t hold it high, right?

I’ve felt called to cut my hair. Like all of it. Okay not all of it, but most of it. To get a short pixie cut or something. Start again.

This is good for my curls but ultimately, to be honest, I just want to stop having to worry so much about my hair for a while. It’s so much effort and it’s taking all of my mental energy. It’s stressful at times, quite frankly. So to be able to wake up and have so little hair that it doesn’t take much to sort it, that’s a weight off my shoulders.

I don’t want my hair to take up more of my time and cause me to feel low. I don’t want my hair to be a stressor. I don’t want to put in the effort for little to no reward, either.

I don’t know if I’ll do it. I’m scared I won’t like it but there’ll be nothing I can do about it. When it’s so short, you can’t put it up to hide it away. That’s scary. I’m also worried about getting bored but being stuck with the same style each day.

We’ll see. I just wanted to share this in the hope that I’m not crazy or alone in feeling this way. Where my biracial gals at?

Sincerely,

S. xx

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