Life & Stuff

Why I’m Afraid of Commitment

I’ve always been scared of commitment in my adulthood. Committing to university, jobs, story ideas, people, plans… It’s all scary! I wanted to list some of the main reasons I’m scared of commitment because I got engaged on Christmas Day and this resulted in so much anxiety due to my fear of commitment!

(Don’t worry, I’m working on this fear!)

I still feel like a kid

I’m afraid to commit to marriage because I still feel like a child! I’m still confused and learning and scared of life. Only a year ago, I was working part-time, just started studied again, living with my mom, and wanted to change my circumstances. I needed to rebuild after a failed business venture and “level-up”. And so, yeah, to fast-forward to now and feel much happier, stable, and adult is great but it’s also been so fast. Suspiciously fast…

So, to be a “child” and confused so recently ago, marriage feels heavy and fixed and adult and serious and that’s like ahhhhhhhhhhh WTF?!

I’m scared of feeling trapped

Marriage, university, and a job has felt heavy and scary because they are things that once you’re in it, it’s hard to get out of it. Hard, but not impossible, I know. I mean I’ve quit jobs and moved on. I’ve left uni and moved on. I’ve survived those things. But I also had major mental health declines each time I did.

Now think about marriage and it’s like, damn, if things were to not work out and we needed to end the marriage, it’ll cause so much more pain, legal and financial problems that effect more than just me… That’s terrifying!

I’m scared of the financial and emotional backlash of it going wrong

Again, the pain that would come from a failed marriage is crazy. This could be summarised as the fear of failure. The fear of the pain, embarrassment, hardship, shame, confusion, and change that comes with failure. But as we know, the fear of failure just prevents you from success. Fear of failure doesn’t mean you don’t give it a good try.

If you fail, you can learn and grow from there…

I’m easily changed

You could say I’m flaky. You could say I’m creative. You could say I’m confused! I don’t know! I just change my mind a lot. I get bored easily. I like to try things and explore things, even if it’s just in my mind. I basically have a lot going on in my head and want to do all the things! But I also get scared of those things or committing to the actual doing of those things! I’m a mess!

I guess I’m sort of a free-spirit. Or someone who needs to feel free to up and change her mind. I loved this idea from Untamed by Glennon Doyle, though. The desire is to be “both free and held“. I can be held and rooted by my marriage and family, while free to be me and do me in other ways (my writing, travel, friendships etc.).

I’m easily scared

And lastly, I’m easily put off by things. Any changes or hardship comes and rocks the boat I’m in. I begin doubting everything about where I am and what I’m doing and how long I can be happy doing it for! Anxiety is prevalent in my life and grabs a hold of me often, telling me to panic and run because something is wrong…

Like I say, I promise you I’m working on this fear of commitment. Questioning where it came from and what I can do to combat it. My theme/goal for this year is to root down into my life and finally feel settled and safe. The fear of commitment doesn’t mean I don’t love my partner (or what I’m doing), it comes from many things that don’t hold truth. They are just fears. Luckily, I have an amazing fiancé who understands me and supports me and wants to marry me regardless of my flaws.

Sincerely,

S. xx

2 thoughts on “Why I’m Afraid of Commitment

  1. I was exausted for some time from Instagram content (where everyone is annoyingly “happy”) and quit for over a year now. I am happy that I’ve found your blog because your words on real life struggles with anxiety helps me trying to understand my own anxiety.

    About this post: as a guy who married and six months in got a divorce (kinda rushed marriage), I must say to you that life goes on. In the end I’ve found the most wonderful person after this and we are very happy together for 7 years now. The most important thing I’ve learned from that experience is that I managed to move on without any bad feelings, and this made me a better person. And so, the only commitment I do in my relationship today is to know I can accept and live with any kind of outcome.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing this. I’m so glad you’ve found happiness afterwards. And I think you’re right; no matter the outcome, life goes on.

      Like

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