We all have some idea about what confidence looks like, whether it’s a true perception or not. But here are my thoughts on what confident people do NOT do. And how if you want to be confident, you need to cut these things out of your life.
We don’t know if there’s a God or a plan or a fate set for us, or if everything is random and we are at the universe’s mercy. One thing we do know for sure is that things happen and they are sometimes good and sometimes bad; sometimes we cause it and sometimes we don’t.
But we are in control of how we deal with things, and how we choose to show up despite them.
Choosing to blame others and point the finger every way except at yourself, doesn’t help with your confidence levels. Firstly, it makes you feel powerless over your own life. Secondly, it makes you the victim time and again, making you the martyr, the hopeless one, the one with the Victim Mindset.
We don’t want a Victim Mindset if we want to live confident lives. We need to recognise that things happen and sometimes it’s really awful. Sometimes people do awful things to us or make our lives hard. But we are in control of how we see things and what we choose to do about it.
They may be responsible for our pain, but we are in charge of whether we sit and suffer, or find a way out.
Not following trends is fine and good, but if you’re doing that just to be so cool that you don’t need to, that’s still at attempt at seeking outside validation and trying to be socially accepted. Confident people are confident in what they enjoy or do, no matter what it is or who else is doing it too.
Essentially, confident people act authentically. They do what they want without the need for approval or acceptance from people who don’t matter.
It’s a myth that confidence means being 100% sure of yourself and your life. I believe that you can be confident even while being unsure. As in, being confident that no matter what happens, you are confident that you needed to try at that thing.
So, if you’re unsure about your life’s path, that doesn’t mean you should lack confidence. You can be unsure or afraid, but you must be confident that you want to try anyway and that you trust yourself regardless of what happens.
Plus, as they say, we must let go of the need to be certain, otherwise, we won’t do a whole lot in our lives.
Confident people aren’t afraid to apologise when they need to. If you’re wrong or have wronged someone, it shouldn’t be so hard to admit your wrongdoing or shortcomings or mistakes. Holding your hands up and saying, “my bad” takes maturity, accountability, and confidence.
Take it personally
Confident people don’t automatically take things personally. They aren’t quick to take things to heart.
I’m a sensitive person, so I take things to heart quickly. I don’t think all people are good at this part, but with high levels of confidence, then we are able to detach from what someone has said or done and logically process it.
We may have an emotional reaction, but we have confidence in ourselves and so we don’t wear a comment or action as a personal attack too often.
F.O.M.O. (Fear of Missing Out)
I believe that confidence means not comparing or feeling like we are missing out on something in life. If you are happy and confident in what you’re doing with your life, you shouldn’t experience F.O.M.O all too often.
You’ll be content in what you have and what you’re doing while striving for better with authentic intention, not out of comparison or jealousy.
Leadership and Assertiveness
I think many people think that confidence is all about being a great leader or asserting your dominance/stance in any situation. Think of those loud, well-spoken, strongwilled people who conduct a team or influence a room with ease.
I think this is backwards. Confidence doesn’t equal assertiveness or leadership skills. I think instead that people who are confident can make better leaders and be more assertive in life. See the difference?
So, you can be confident without being interested in being a leader or without being particularly assertive.
I believe that these are different traits or skills or whatever. They’re not synonymous.
Counsel from fear
Ever spoke to someone about your wants and dreams and they get all tense and say, “well, I don’t think that’s a good idea” and then they shake their head?
That’s counselling from fear. That’s putting your fears and insecurities and unconfident attitude onto others. Confident people don’t do that.
Sure, some people need to hear the realities of hard work and how dreams don’t easily come true. But a confident person often believes in themselves and something better. They are confident that if you put your mind to something, it just might happen.
A more confident response might be: “That sounds wonderful, do you have a plan? Is there something I can do to help? Have you got security while you do this? (financial, familial support etc.)”
This doesn’t push fear; instead, it instils confidence, gives a real plan, offers support, shows your beliefs, and also keeps things realistic.
Plus, confident people don’t seek counsel from people who push fear, either. Or they don’t let it stop or change them.
Ask for help
There is nothing wrong with admitting that you don’t know something or that you need help. Everyone does. Strong people know when to admit defeat, reach out for help, or ask for more information or guidance.
Today’s Confidence Challenge, should you choose to accept it, is to cook a meal for a group of people.
It’ll be scary, and you’ll be on display, but you won’t blame others for it going wrong, you won’t take it personally if they don’t all enjoy, you’ll ask for help if you need it, and you’ll allow yourself to be uncertain and do it anyway!
(If you’re already a cook, then cook something new out of your comfort zone)
Good luck! Share your recipes below!
This week’s worksheet to complete: Confidence Challenge Week Three Worksheet
Speak to you tomorrow with a video and a challenge!