Life & Stuff · Mental Health

Trying to explain what anxiety and panic feels like

Your thoughts come in rogue waves, tumbling and fumbling over one another, demanding to be heard.

Hot electricity bolting through your veins without pattern or prediction.

Bubbling, boiling bile acidic in your stomach and growing wider and wider.

Breaths caught between your chest and your throat, rising falling rising falling rising falling in quick sharp rallies.

Thick sweat lining your hands and feet, no matter how many times you wash them.

Clenched teeth tight and gnawing in your mouth, jaw rigid and stiff.

Bad breath or a horrid taste in your mouth, your tongue feeling too big to rest in your mouth, too thick and heavy.

Foot or leg jig jig jiggling up down up down up down up down until it aches, until you notice, you stop it, then it starts again up down up down up down…

Afraid to speak too much for fear you might throw up

Breathlessness and tiredness from speaking

Feeling of paralysis in your limbs, they feel heavy and numb and achy, requiring too much energy to move them

A fluttering like a thousand moths in flight in your chest.

Sobbing tears run down your face, pooling in your neck or if you’re lying down they fall into your ears.

Feeling a deafness to sounds around you because they enlarge and blur together and muffle in your ears .

—————————————————————

This comes from a night of pure panic. It was spurred on by too much caffeine, my period, and fear about a coming event/something we needed to do. It is an erratic explanation because that’s just it, anxiety isn’t logical and simple and linear. It doesn’t make sense. It’s borne of confusion and lack and fear and no trust and yeah, it’s sucks. That’s all there is to it.

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