This is another post in the Get to Know Me series of January. Today, I wanted to share open and honestly all the ways I’ve felt I’ve failed, fallen, or fumbled in life and the ways I’ve triumphed. I am calling them “failures” but they aren’t. Not really. But they are all things I’ve felt insecure about at some point in my life. Things that may have contributed to my poor self-image. Things I look to when I’m feeling low as “evidence” of my inadequacy.
Luckily, I don’t get weighed down by them much anymore.
- Dropped out of university…twice!
- In 2013 when I attended Derby university for all of a week and again in 2015 after a year at Birmingham City University.
- Self-published books from the age of 18 to 22 years old but they didn’t sell well…at all
- Didn’t travel much until 2016 and then a big gap between 2019-2021
- Flight phobias limiting my travel
- Got engaged and had panic attacks over commitment
- Lived at home with my mom until 25, got first mortgage at 30
- Hosted two podcasts that didn’t get many followers or listens
- My younger sister is more experienced, well-off, and knowledgeable than I am
- Tried my hand at YouTube a few times over and other social media channels but never reached very far at all
- Living up to the expectations of my family (and extended family)
- Inexperienced driver even though I’ve had my license for 11 years now
- Tried to be a professional athlete when I was a teen…and I’m not very fit or athletic at all now
The thing about of these is that looking back, they weren’t failures. Hard? Yes. Important at the time? Yes. Did they hurt? Yes. But they didn’t mean I wasn’t worthy. In fact, every one of them means one pretty great thing about me: I try. I put myself out there and I try my best. I fall short, but I try again.
My triumphs
- Travelled alone to Budapest for 4 days.
- Been to South Africa twice now on long trips to visit my extended family.
- Written novels since I was young and was brave enough to self-publish.
- Turned my eating around so I now eat (or try) most things and no longer have anxiety around food.
- Getting my undergraduate degree with the Open University in English Literature and Creative Writing in a 2:1.
- Speaking in front of over one hundred people for a fashion show that was raising money for the Mind charity.
- I spoke about my book and my mental health journey on the stage
- Got married and started a mortgage before I felt “ready”.
- Completed my yoga teacher training 200 and 300 hour certification.
We need fumbles and triumphs in life, as both show the same thing: that you are living fully!
Sincerely,
S. xx
S. R. Crawford 