In this fast-paced world we live in, we sometimes forget that healthy communication is about taking our time with the other person(s) we are conversing with. It’s not about the fastest response; most articulate response; who is right; who is smarter; or, worst yet, who shouts the loudest! Instead, healthy communication does a few things, from my point of view:
- Allows room for error and correction (self-correction or healthy correction from the other)
- Active listening for understanding, not just to respond
- Asks for clarification before assumption and taking things the wrong way
- Emphasizes intention over how something was said
- Bridges gaps and encourages togetherness in navigating the conversation
With this in mind, let’s get into it.
Here are some phrases that give us space to communicate in a healthier manner:
- I’m not sure about that yet, please allow me time to think about how I feel about it
- I don’t have enough information on this topic to form an opinion yet
- Can I have another go at explaining myself because I think I can do a better job
- I’d like to backtrack as I think I didn’t express myself correctly just then
- My initial thoughts are X but I’m open to new perspectives
- Can we revisit this conversation when emotions aren’t as high?
- What did you mean by that?
- What I’m hearing is X, please correct me if I’m wrong
- How did you come to that conclusion?
- What was the intention behind that statement?
- Help me to understand what you mean by X
- What I’m hearing from what you said is X, is that correct?
- The story I’m telling myself about this is X, does that sound right?
- I feel like X (not: you did Y)
- It seems we disagree on this, so further discussion will be unhelpful and harmful to our relationship
- I’m opening to discussing this further if we both agree to remain respectful
- I find the tone being used here quite [defensive] [aggressive] [disrespectful] [condescending] and therefore would like to revisit this conversation when that isn’t the case
- I appreciate your patience with me while I try to better understand X
- Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with me; I will process this and get back to you
- I’m finding it hard to decide how I feel about this, can we talk about it later? (even better if you can give a time i.e. this evening, tomorrow after dinner etc so the other person knows to let you come to them/only bring it up at the appropriate agreed upon time)
Sincerely,
S. xx
