It is no secret that I have struggled with my mental health for years. It is my journey to mental wellness (stability, acceptance, neutrality, whatever) that led me to creating this blog in the first place. So in case you’re new or wanted an update, here in my mental health journey in a nutshell.
Context: I live in the UK, so I have had free therapy/counselling on the NHS a number of times over the years but I’ve also paid privately. The NHS doesn’t have unlimited funds for mental health however, so these sessions are usually limited to 6-12 weeks.
Therapy
I went to therapy for the first time when I was 16 years old. At the time, I was going about my “fussy eating” and my insomnia. In these sessions, it was discovered that I struggled with social anxiety. My first therapist was amazing and we explored a lot about my past experiences and what could have been contributing to my difficulty with eating and sleep.
Technically, I’ve had about 7 different therapists or counsellors over the years and they have all been amazing. I am so lucky and grateful to have found counsellors who I’ve felt I can open with. There has only been one therapist that I didn’t gel with, but I immediately found one that suited me right after.
My ideal therapist / counsellor:
- Down to earth – not formal and rigid, instead like a friend
- Doesn’t sit there taking notes the whole time
- Allows room for me to flow / doesn’t feel the need to fill ever silence
- Calls me on my bullsh*t without being rude or cruel
- Laughs with me
- Offers me homework
- Doesn’t immediately talk about more sessions / make me feel like they just want my money
Therapy works for me because it is a safe space to talk freely. No concerns about upsetting the other person or being told I’m wrong. No filter or censorship. No judgement. No quick fixes or “you’ll be fine” comments.
Airing out my mind, as it were.
I always walk away lighter. I feel happy to know I have a counsellor I can book an appointment with should I need her, and that I have the privilege to do so.
Alternative Medicine
I have also tried alternative / holistic medicine. I’ve had reiki massage, acupuncture, aromatherapy, hypnotherapy, yoga and meditation, and massage. It’s hard to say what worked and what didn’t. I can only say that my food anxieties healed and my social anxiety has come leaps and bounds. I think that health is complicated. I think it’s arrogant to think that western medicine has all the answers. I think a lot of ancient and lost arts are crucial in a modern world of sickness due to overconsumption and overstimulation. I recommend all of the above to anyone suffering but do so with an open mind and heart.
Hypnotherapy got me on the plane to Japan in 2024. It helped support me through my intense flight anxiety. However, it did not heal me or “fix me”. It just supported me. Like many of the above does. Don’t expect quick fixes.
When you live a life that prioritises mental and physical wellness in many holistic and eclectic ways, you ensure you better support yourself for handling life’s challenges.
Antidepressants
In October 2024, I decided to take antidepressants to cope with big life changes. My 30th birthday was coming up and that felt like a lot of pressure. It meant mortgages and children and moving area and big decisions that I was scared I wasn’t able to handle. My mind ran too fast and I’d have panic attacks any time my husband and I had a conversation about trying for a baby in the near future.
Not ideal.
And so I finally made the decision after years and years of consideration and rejecting the option from doctors. It felt like it was time. I had a very rough few days when I first took them (nausea mostly which isn’t great when you have emetophobia), but then I was normal again, and happy again, and balanced. I’m on the lowest dose of sertraline and I feel it simply supports me in maintaining more balance in my mind. I still get anxious or upset. I still struggle.
But everything is less intense.
It’s the best decision I’ve ever made. No, it was just the right decision. The next right step.
What I’ve learned
- Speak openly and honestly about mental struggles as it provides space for others to do the same (which can, and will, save lives).
- Getting your thoughts out is crucial: Journaling; talking therapy; friends you trust; phone calls; creative writing, whatever method.
- Doing what brings your joy or soothes your spirit/soul is a balm for depression.
- Exercise / activity and movement are so important for our mental health! I can’t stress that enough. Move your body, get out of the house, breathe fresh air.
- Medication won’t fix the underlying issues, but they can support you while you tend to those underneath.
- More people struggle with their mental health than you realise.
- Tend to your foundations and basics: sleep, diet, exercise, social surroundings/environment.
- Neurodiversity can be contributing to poor mental health because you’re trying to function in a society not built for your brain.
- A massive crying session is cathartic. Don’t hold it in. Don’t feel ashamed. Let it out, sob, ugly cry, it feels so good after (or your tire yourself out and then sleep).
- You can do everything “right” and look after yourself well and still have days when you’re feeling low and worried and life feels like too much.
Books that helped me
These books gave me vocabulary for my feelings, improved my emotional intelligence, and taught me new ways of thinking about my mind.
- Rising Strong by Brene Brown
- The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown
- What I Know for Sure by Oprah Winfrey
- What Happened to You by Oprah Winfrey
- The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer
- The Path Made Clear by Oprah Winfrey
- The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz
- Sacred Powers by David Ji
- The Power of Vulnerability by Brene Brown
- Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown
- Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown
- The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
- Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
Sincerely,
S. xx
S. R. Crawford 