I am going to write quite a vulnerable post here. Opening up about my own thoughts and feelings about being a woman and why I struggle with gender binaries in society. This post is not for anyone who may be triggered by difficult conversations around gender identity. Part One: My Femininity I am a cisgender… Continue reading Essay on Gender Part One: My Femininity
Category: Journal Entries
Personal thought and feelings of the day
Birthday Reflection: Season 30, Episode 1
I’m turning 30 in a few days and I’m told to feel scared. Told it means something. This number with a 3 at the front is a whole new terrain for me. A new season of life. A gravitational shift; a tilt in my axis. Will the sun shine brighter from this angle, or will… Continue reading Birthday Reflection: Season 30, Episode 1
Gratitude for a slow Sunday morning
I didn’t sleep well. Therefore, I let myself sleep in so I had at least a few hours’ sleep, but getting up at 9am feels late to me. I immediately felt regret and upset. Like a day wasted. But that’s not fair to myself at all. So let’s correct that negative energy with some gratitude…… Continue reading Gratitude for a slow Sunday morning
A life in books
I love watching the bookmark slowly progress deeper into the book. Turning page after page feels like I’m doing something right. Something that was meant for me. It’s a similar feeling when I’m writing. I love watching the word count climb higher and higher. The satisfaction of hitting milestone numbers: 5,000, 10,000, 15,000, 20,000… It… Continue reading A life in books
Why I need to lean into my weird
I want to live an unconventional life. Maybe “want” isn’t the right word but I’m drawn to one. I’ve accidentally already been unconventional. That’s the word my mom has used. I took an unconventional path for my university degree by dropping out of traditional university twice, then starting an Open University degree aged 24 and… Continue reading Why I need to lean into my weird
Sunday night gratitude and reflection
I’m grateful for the weekend I’ve had. I’m grateful that the roads weren’t bad and we got there safely. I’m grateful I was able to sleep and be more sociable the next day. I grateful for the special people in my life who make it that little bit more interesting. I’m grateful for the clear… Continue reading Sunday night gratitude and reflection
Panic
(TRIGGER WARNING FOR ANXIETY) Overwhelming rush of blood surges through your body. This isn’t unfamiliar. A old friend turned foe. The rising from your stomach to your chest, you’re sure you’re going to vomit. Vomit all the black stuff that sits inside you, poisoning you. When did this black monstrosity get inside? What did you… Continue reading Panic
Some more gratitude (to shift unwelcome energy)
Massages (ones where they actually target your knots and sooth them) Tasty well-seasoned vegetable dishes Fans Sun dresses Morning kisses from my dog Good night kisses from my partner A good book that just grips you Fun group gatherings (as opposed to the annoying or tense ones) Summer Silky nightdress That cool breeze that filters… Continue reading Some more gratitude (to shift unwelcome energy)
Old friends knocking at the door
I know Insomnia, she is an old friend. Insomnia and I would face the darkness together each night, tucked up in bed, watching the walls for shadows. She and I would make up these stories about monsters and villains, and then my heart would race and I’d pull the blanket over my head, toes curled… Continue reading Old friends knocking at the door
My mistake!
Assuming I knew best Not joining clubs and putting myself out there to make and maintain likeminded friendships Going to sleep angry instead of fixing things Publishing my books too early (creating an expectation and desperation too soon in my writing journey) Not keeping up my athletics/sports Not reading more during teen and early adulthood… Continue reading My mistake!
S. R. Crawford 