In the dark, I don’t know who you are. I don’t know you’re friendly. If you have your hood up, you disguise your intentions.
You are a threat.
You are a monster lurking in the shadows.
Sadly, other men who look like you, have caused you to become a perceived threat because they have harmed people who look like me.
You are not responsible for what other men do, but you do bear a burden as a result of their actions, I’m afraid. It is on you to ensure I don’t fear you.
The rhetoric “Not All Men” is unhelpful and evident. Of course it’s not all men, but it’s enough of you for us to constantly feel afraid. It shouldn’t be the normal that a woman goes out into the street alone and constantly looks over her shoulder. She walks faster to get to her destination. She can’t win, no matter what she choses to do, and she is blamed if she is attacked.
How to be less threatening
- Don’t wear your hood up if you’re walking past someone like me
- Don’t walk too close when we walk by one another
- Apologise if we look startled by your presence (instead of being angry or ignorant to how you may make us feel)
- Don’t tell us to smile
- Don’t stare
- Don’t huddle in crowds of men so we can’t get passed you
- Keep your friends in line (comments aren’t just jokes; they can make us feel afraid of you)
- Keep an eye out if there are other men around and someone like me is out on their own – you could be the difference between us being attacked or not/feeling safe or afraid
This is a bigger problem in the winter/darker months, because there are less hours in the day where women feel safe to walk outside alone. Protect the vulnerable. Don’t be a threat.
Thank you for your help, I’m sorry to have had to ask…
S. R. Crawford 